Thursday, August 27, 2015

five minute friday: alone

Every week Kate Montaung hosts Five Minute Friday; this time we get to write about alone for five minutes...!

alone

"Alone!" raises a firestorm with me! As social as my nature tends to be, I'm also very much of a loner. But nothing prepared me for the loneliness, social isolation, and lack of community of these past too many years. It's such a long (sad) story I've tried to talk about some and blog about with as much clarity as possible (I've added this Five Minute Friday to my telling the story label), but no one seems to get it. Alone?! Yes, very much alone too much alone.

Creativity, ideas, typically have a source outside oneself. Creativity, ideas, do not self-generate alone by themselves. The theology that's my passion? I've written some interesting stuff – when I recently edited and updated my entire 13-year old blog to be sure all links were live and kickin', I discovered some astonishing theology – but without social context, it has been dry, sterile, and in itself very much alone, unconnected, with no organic connection to anything. Contradiction? Yes.

Fact is, you can't check out a text, scroll through your past experiences, and figure out what to say without currently being embedded in, connected to other people, also known as community. Besides, you can't write a sermon by yourself, without expecting to preach it. Somewhere. Creativity? My art and design never has happened in a vacuum, and though I'm currently working as, making a living as, a graphic designer, I haven't done any actual art for a long long time, because I cannot create art, I can't write poetry, I can't do anything other than grieve because this is alone. Lonely. Disconnected. Free-floating. I knew somehow I'd make a way back to mainstream society and mainline church, but still find myself alone and far away from both.

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Thursday, August 20, 2015

five minute friday: find

Time for Kate Montaung's Five Minute Friday! Find is this week's word! How does Five Minute Friday roll? Write for 5 minutes, unedited.

find
9And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. 10For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Luke 11

Seek and ye shall find. Find works both ways: I want to find, so I look for; I need to find, so I seek, peek, peer, dig, mine to find an answer, a person, idea — to find an object, a solution, another dream. Someone else may be seeking to find an idea, looking to find an inspiration from you. Or from me. Maybe to find a person, to find a friendship or relationship. Looking to find you?

In my everyday quest to find, I've sought, hoped for, aspired to, looked for, longed to find so much that's not physically present or actually current in my life—that passion to find in itself has become a daily presence, an ongoing current. In similar words, gospel writers Matthew and Luke both charge us to ask, to seek, to knock. To take action! Not to wait and expect heavenly bounty to fall unbidden from the sky! ...although we know it often does.

What do I seek to find? Community and justice. I seek to discover, to find, the surprise of shalom, to uncover and find the audible, visible, noisy reality of redemption all around me, the astonishment of my own life re-deemed, bought back again.

I long to find Jesus Christ still incarnate in the frailty of human flesh. As someone lonely, lost, forgotten, and broken, to find togetherness. To be found. I seek to find someone to re-member me, someone who does remember me from our past, who even sought to find me! I want to find myself put back together, rewoven, and found whole.

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Friday, August 14, 2015

5 minute friday: learn

Time again for Kate Montaung's Five Minute Friday; "learn" is this week's word; how does this work? Write for 5 minutes, unedited.

 learn

Lately I've been learning again I really and truly do love the "thrill of the chase," as that pastor back then insisted! As I'd imagined, I've learned I really do love being in a Big City again, and already I feel better—as if feeling was where it's totally about, but you know feeling is at least partly where it's at, and here in Current City I've been more welcome and even started off by getting more opportunities than I did in Previous City.

Although I still don't enjoy reading beyond a 500-word internet article, I love Love LOVE ideas, and I've learned I'll need to continue reading books.

I've learned how strong, tough, and resilient I am after navigating life as well as I have the past too long. I also realize asking for help has been a sign of strength, but what do you do when they keep turning you down? Theologian Harvey Cox writes, "Violence is normative in The Fall."

I've learned my self-presentation truly is very competent and I generally come across as accomplished. Acquaintance in Previous City texted me, "you will thrive anywhere you go!" Thriving sure has not been my experience at all—in fact, my life has started to reweave and then unravel countless times, and I've been disappointed over and over by potential situations I knew were slam-dunks, but it's also energizing to know someone actually perceives me thus.

I've learned I cannot live without ways to express my creativity, especially as an artist/illustrator. designer.

I've learned there are truly welcoming churches: both nearby churches that sent me friendly emails about my housing requests have been friendly in real life and they've felt good, too.

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Thursday, August 13, 2015

desert spirit's fire @ 13

desert spirit's fire is 13

2002-2015—thirteen years makes a baker's dozen years―it makes this blog a teenager!

In terms of internet and cyberspace, July 2002 truly was "back in the day." After I finished the year-long Community Economic Development certificate program in May 2002, I noticed a lot of people had started web logs or blogs. With The City and The Cities always front and center in my conscious and subconscious, a couple summers earlier I'd created an urban page in the old MSN groups, but despite having just finished the CED program that gave me yet another credential for urban/inner city ministry, why not concentrate on theology again? I made a long list of possible blog names, and chose desert spirit's fire for theological reasons, because it was easy to say, and sounded good.

Today's exactly four weeks after my official blogoversary, and please don't pay attention to the button on the sidebar that says it will happen in 45 days―I tried updating the code, and nothing changed. In the church we celebrate important days in 8-day spans of octaves; Easter, the most important feast, is 50 days―a week of weeks. Happy Very Belated Blogoversary, desert spirit's fire!

cake photo from Gracey on morguefile; picture decorated with Bombshell Pro typography by me as suntreeriver design

Monday, August 10, 2015

testimony tuesday: Elijah!

Today my Testimony Tuesday links to Testimony Tuesday on Holly Barrett's blog. and Jennifer Dukes Lee's Tell His Story.

Get up and eat, otherwise the journey will be too much for you.

1 Kings 19:7

Each day for the past week I've been reading that day's scripture study portion in a book I recently chose from Amazon Vine, Set Apart: Holy Habits of Prophets and Kings. It's sort of a combination book study and topical study (how cool is that?!) that had excellent reviews, I trust the United Methodist pub house Abingdon imprint, and I don't know the historical books of Judges, Samuel, Kings, or Chronicles nearly well enough.

It had to be inspired and serendipitous that the scripture passage, study, and refection on 1 Kings 19:1-11 I read Saturday evening featured the same text we heard at church Sunday morning! Everyone gets into depressive funks at times; many folks experience clinical depression. Maybe Elijah had clinical depression, or possibly he had severe existential depression—after all, he was a prophet, and you know prophecy is a heavy-duty calling! I love how this text addresses Elijah's exhaustion and discouragement with physical touch (twice!) and with an admonition to eat something (twice!)! Long ago I learned when I felt seriously discouraged and hopeless, I needed to eat something. Anything. Now! A little food of any kind would give me enough perspective to sort through whatever was happening that made me feel so terrible, and I learned I needed to have a good meal as soon as possible, as well. Or the journey will be too much...

For Sunday, 09 August – Pentecost 11 – the first reading in the Revised Common Lectionary was 1 Kings 19:4-8.

4But he [Elijah] himself went a day's journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a solitary broom tree. He asked that he might die: "It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life, for I am no better than my ancestors." 5Then he lay down under the broom tree and fell asleep. Suddenly an angel touched him and said to him, "Get up and eat." 6He looked, and there at his head was a cake baked on hot stones, and a jar of water. He ate and drank, and lay down again. 7The angel of the Lord came a second time, touched him, and said, "Get up and eat, otherwise the journey will be too much for you." 8He got up, and ate and drank; then he went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Horeb the mount of God.

An angel's touch and some food sustained Elijah for a month-plus-long biblical period of forty days! At the end of June I moved from Border Town in Paradise to Urban Angels, aka Current City. It's been a long, long haul, and I'm still sorting through major chaos and disappointments of the past decades. I love the double reminder I need to eat well ("eat well" stands in for doing whatever I can to meet all my physical needs) and take care of my basic social needs, too—or the journey will be too much. After church on Sunday I uncharacteristically felt like going straight home and taking a nap, but they serve brunch every Sunday, and especially after two innings of this reading from 1 Kings I knew I needed food and literal companionship, so I noshed a make your own sandwich, salad, fresh fruit, and fresh ideas. For someone who wanted to head right home, in the end I even stayed longer than most everyone else!

testimony Tuesday

Tell His Story

Thursday, August 06, 2015

five minute friday: here

Time again for Kate Montaung's Five Minute Friday; "here" is word of the week and it's Kate's 1-year anniversary of hosting 5 minute Friday! Congrats to Kate!

You know how this works: write for 5 minutes, unedited.

 here

This weeks "here" prompt instantly brought Marty Haugen's hymn "Gather Us In – Here In This Place" into my right here and right now.

Here in this place new light is streaming,
now is the darkness vanished away;

Here we will take the wine and the water,
here we will take the bread of new birth,
here you shall call your sons and your daughters,
call us anew to be salt for the earth.

here in this place new light is shining,
now is the kingdom, and now is the day.

"Here" and now are essential ways to live our lives. Although William Faulkner reminds us the past keeps overtaking the present minute by minute (in other words, it's never ever truly past, gone, and over), yet we only can live in this moment, this place. The future's not here yet, and physically – if not psychologically or in terms of memories – the past is long far gone. Over the past decade I've spent a lot of time, a whole lot of time, revisiting past places, people, and situations I'd love to duplicate to some extent in my future; I've tried imagining versions of past events into this here and this now. Good idea or a bad one? As long as it's not my sole mode of being, it can be helpful and healthy and hope-filled.

Whenever we celebrate The Lord's Supper, Holy Communion, the Eucharist we celebrate with all the people of God in every time and every place: past, present, and future. We bring past places and past times into this right now, into this right here; we reach into an unknown future as we retrieve and bring an eschatological here, a future full of justice, love, and shalom for all creation into this now, into this here. Jesus calls us, the HS enables us to re-member, re-create and anticipate now is the kingdom, and now is the day — here is the kingdom and here is the day.

I found quite a few videos of Gather Us In with lyrics on YT; here's one of them: Gather Us In

I'm taking a cue from Praying on the Prairie and formatting my last paragraph that's not part of my 5 minutes differently. My actual post is short, so I may have spent too much time remembering the words to "Gather Us In." And I especially love the picture Kate provided! As a designer I use a lot of fixed-width typewriter style fonts for my own design. I also love the boots and jeans look that I often rock during cooler weather—it's natural, preppy, and a bit retro, just like the typeface.

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Friday, July 31, 2015

Friday 5: taking stock

For Friday 5 today, 3dogmom hosts with an opportunity to take stock. She reminds us, "We're midway through summer (for us northern gals and pals), a good time to pause for a moment to take a breath before the force of autumn's gravity takes hold too fiercely, and pulls us into its grasp of programming and schedules and commitments."

1. What is one thing bringing you joy today?

I'm enjoying the (literal) Group (Mount Everest curriculum) group (Vacation Bible School) texts from the church in Previous City. I moved 120 miles north about a month ago, and the Children's Ministry Director defaulted everyone from last year into the group. I could unsubscribe, but these texts are too fun!

2. What is a disappointment you are experiencing today?

Another very mild case of what might have happened if I'd spoken up for myself more often, actually dared talk about myself! I so understand I hesitate to do so because of all the too many people whose only topic of conversation (conversation? make that monologue) is themselves, but people know only what they sensibly can perceive. I try hard to be a class act, and I believe saying more about myself would enhance rather than detract.

3. When you think about the past six months, when did your soul feel most awake?

Lots of times, but I'll mention the Triduum liturgy of Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, Resurrection.

4. When did you experience a sorrow or regret?

In addition to my response to #2, I wish that somehow I could have stayed linked up, linked in, or whatever it would have been with some church to a sufficient degree I could have gone on the ELCA's recent youth gathering to Detroit. Detroit is my dream city. In 7th or 8th grade I took my first solo flight to Detroit Metro (as a passenger: no desire to pilot any type of plane); experienced my first MLB game in the old Tiger Stadium. I prepared intentionally every single step of the way to do inner city ministry, and wonder if Detroit's in my future?

5. For what is your soul most longing?

For that elusive community of recognition, embrace, and participation; for meaning and purpose. Hey, this is not a hunter-gather society!

Bonus: is there a word or image that succinctly summarizes how you find your soul today?

I'll take this scene from yesterday afternoon of my current around the corner because I'm happy to be here and hoping for a real future—replete with meaning and purpose. Another pic from the group is my current blog background.

looking north